From school photo shoots (the metal mouth and lopsided pigtails were an all-time low) to passport mug-shot fiascos (until a customs official actually laughed in your face), the mere mention of “24 wallet size” is enough to induce serious trauma.

Janette Valentine of Terribly Girly Photography wants to change that. Inspired by vintage rag mags and pin-up calendars and armed with false eyelashes and a can of Aqua-Net, Valentine (that’s “Miss V” to you) makes getting snapped a snap.

Along with a stylist, she’ll bring you back to the fabulous ’40s as a demure dominatrix, a naughty Betty Crocker, or a bikini-clad beach bunny (the Vargas girls have got nothing on you).

Your sweetie will most certainly appreciate them. But it’s probably best not to enclose them in your holiday cards to your grandparents.

That’s exactly the sort of trauma we all try to avoid.

Terribly Girly Photography (786-302-1576 or valentinefotografiks.com).